Her: OK, this goes back a few years and it was in our early days of exploring the lifestyle, before any of our full-swap experiences. While visiting friends in Texas we would make it point to experience some of the upscale gentlemen’s clubs. This was always fun for me ‒ I would get more attention from the dancers than him on most nights. This particular night was not long after the birth of our second child, so we hadn’t had any extracurricular activities in quite a while. Shortly after walking in to one of the newer clubs, I was approached by an absolutely gorgeous, hard body who offered to give me a very special lap dance. She led me to a sofa in a dark corner of the club and asked my husband to keep a look-out for any club managers, as she was going to be breaking a few rules.
Him: I’m not sure who was enjoying this better, me or her. I first discovered the high-end Texas gentlemen’s clubs while in college. I’m still often surprised by the fact that, almost 20 years later, the market price of a lap dance is still only $20. Even more interesting is the significant difference between the $20 lap dance I can get, and the $20 lap dance my wife gets! This one was truly erotic and sensual. Normally, club rules prevent any ‘hands-on’ contact with dancers. I could tell right away why I had been posted as ‘look-out’. Our dancer friend had placed my wife’s hands on her breasts and was caressing every part of my wife’s body as they engaged in a long, deep French kiss. At about the middle of the third song, I suddenly snapped out of my trance just in time to see a club manager walk up and tap the girls on the shoulder, giving a disapproving glare. BUSTED.
Her: That was the closest thing to sex I have ever had fully clothed ‒ but it was just a prelude to the real action. A little later, while my husband was in the men’s room, another dancer approached me and told me she really wanted to play, and invited me and my husband to the VIP lounge upstairs. We had always avoided these VIP areas, as they are normally a scam to convince high-rollers to pay an extra $90 for a table upstairs and a cheap bottle of wine. My new friend told me that she had a regular customer by himself at a large booth, and that he did not mind sharing it with new friends. When my husband got back, he grabbed his drink and followed as we headed upstairs.
Him: I have heard it said for years that one of the biggest lies in the strip club industry is the notion that you’re going to get laid when you visit these places. However, I had heard some pretty unbelievable stories about what goes on in some of these VIP rooms ‒ never believed a single one of them. When we arrived upstairs, there were two other dancers seated on either side of their customer ‒ who looked completely wasted. I’m not even sure if he was aware that he had visitors.
Almost immediately, the three strippers had my wife sitting in the middle of the booth and were all over her. In seconds, they had her dress off as well as their own clothing ‒ it was a frantic array of female body parts. Her: This was the first time I had been “exposed” in public. It was almost overwhelming. Every one of these girls was sexy and attractive, so I did not mind one bit. At one point, one of the girls ‒ the ring leader ‒ whispered in my ear that she wanted to give my husband a blow job and asked me if it was ok. Without hesitation, I said “Go for it.” She repositioned his chair in a small space between two booths and went to work. Unlike the downstairs areas, the VIP lounge did not have any managers walking around ‒ I was learning the true meaning of “anything goes”. About the time she was starting, one of the other girls led me off by the hand into the upstairs ladies room. She locked the door behind us, had me sit on the counter and removed my panties. We were just starting to get really involved when there was a knock on the door. I quickly pulled my dress back up and we headed back to our booth.
Him: Seeing her walking back from the ladies room, carrying her underwear was all I needed to put me over the top. Finishing up the BJ, the ring leader looked to my wife and said “Now it’s your turn” as she led my wife into the chair that I had occupied. With one of her girlfriends standing over her, playing with my wife’s breasts, she went down on her. I finally started to believe some of the VIP room stories I had heard. Meanwhile, one of the other dancers asked me if we would like to come back to her place for an orgy. This was definitely a first, and completely unexpected! When my wife was finished with her “private show” and dressed, I told her about the proposition. As we discussed the pros and cons of the proposal, we noticed the three dancers paying more attention to their customer who had paid for the booth. He had pulled out his stash of coke, and they were all doing a few lines. WHOA ‒ red flag! Time to bail.
Her: Yeah, as things progressed, it was pretty obvious that these weren’t your bright young students working their way through college. It did not take much deliberation at all for us to conclude that this night was pretty much done with. While it wasn’t easy, we made a quick escape and called it a night ‒ the strippers were really pissed off, but hey, things were just getting a little too freaky for us. We haven’t been back to that club, nor have we ventured into another VIP lounge ‒ but there is no doubt in our mind about what really happens there…
AFF: Many of our readers are married men, trying to get their wife interested in the lifestyle - what advice would you give them?
Her: We may be just slightly opinionated here, so I’ll apologize in advance. We have experienced so many situations where a man was trying to coerce his less than enthusiastic wife to try the lifestyle. We get emails asking us this same question ‒ “How do I convince my wife to try it?” our standard answer is simple: “You Don’t!”. The best approach would be to instead allow her the freedom to investigate and explore her own desires.
Him: It may be better to just get a permanent membership to the VIP room at the gentlemen’s club. (oh, wait, we’ve moved on to a different question, haven’t we)
I recall early in our relationship, just the mention of my past lifestyle activity drew a negative response from my wife. I was quite certain and convinced early on that this would never even be a topic for discussion. Interestingly enough though, one of the bachelorette party gifts she received was an illustrated guide to sexual positions. The last chapter in this book included “advanced” techniques that included 3 and 4 person sexual positions. I remember her making a comment like “that looks fun” while viewing one of these images, although it was quickly followed by a retraction like “but I could never do that”. What followed over the next several years has been already documented in our first several interviews.
Her: I don’t feel like he ever tried to ‘convince’ me to do anything. If he had, I would probably have resisted and been very concerned about what it was that I was doing wrong that would make him want to have sex with other people. I think this is the natural response for women, let’s face it ‒ society teaches us to be insecure and jealous. The approach I would recommend is one that is focused on enhancing your relationship together ‒ NOT focused on experiencing new people. I’ll let him explain it…
Him: Many couples find ways to bring new dimensions into their lovemaking. Fantasies, visualizations, toys, videos and DVDs…heck we can even get “on demand” erotica via digital cable. Chances are, you have already introduced some of these into your sex life. (If you have tried to introduce these and have failed, you should probably think twice about trying to get her comfortable with swinging.)
Discover with her what it is that turns her on. Is it watching other couples? Is it the idea of another woman? (that needs to be HER choice, by the way ‒ far too many men force this on their wives) Is it the idea of another man? Some of these images of fantasies may bring a whole new level of intensity to your bedroom. We call the next step “Interactive Porn”. Fact is, most couples events are very accommodating of couple who want only to have sex with their own partner, while watching others have sex. So, if she is turned on by images on video of others having sex, it’s a small next step to see them in person ‒ so long as she is comfortable that her participation is not required.Her: While this is a good general guide, every woman is just so different that the same approach just won’t work for everyone. Beware of the media! There are several videos, specials and Real Sex segments out there that provide an inside look at the lifestyle. Problem is, the look they are providing may not necessarily be into the segment of the lifestyle that fits your tastes. I highly recommend previewing it first, there’s a lot of scary stuff out there.
Him: Of course, one approach we have seen a few times is to find a local off-premise event or club and just take her to it ‒ without telling her what it is you are attending. Really, we’ve seen people actually do that ‒ it’s not pretty. Please resist the temptation, using a dishonest approach like this is just asking for trouble. Of course, if you’ve made up your mind that your relationship isn’t going to work, go ahead and give it a try; it provides plenty of entertainment to us bystanders.
Her: Please ignore his last comment, none of us are comfortable with other couples’ drama. One more piece of advice ‒ alcohol is NOT the answer either. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard “…just wait till she gets a few more glasses of wine in her, that’ll get her going…”. Big red flag here! We’ve learned from experience that there are couples that need to be pretty tanked full of liquor before they participate ‒ we avoid these like the plague. Unfortunately, we have had to learn this the hard way.
Him: So hey, the bottom line is ‒ don’t go jumping into a conversation with your wife that is focused around full swap or having sex with others. There are so many other activities that are far less intimidating and allow a more comfortable and gradual adventure. Find the one or two little kinks that get her excited, and focus on them, you can discover together just how far the boundaries can be stretched.
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